14 Year Anniversary

Well today (June 10th) marks mine and Eric's 14 year anniversary. It has been a quiet day around here and given me a chance to reflect on the last 14 years with Eric (we dated at least 3 years before getting married so we've been together around 17 years actually.) I visited the cemetery and left him some red roses - first time I've ever given my husband flowers. I used to get after him for wasting money on flowers for me. Now as I get older I appreciate getting flowers and thoughtful gestures like that so I feel bad I ever complained about it.
It's been a little over 3 weeks since his car accident. Last year at this time for our anniversary we were in Vail, Colorado attending Eric's cousin's wedding and then vacationing at Eric's parent's condo. Here are some pics from last year, compared to this year. Crazy how life can change in the blink of an eye.
Then:


Now:

If I can pass on any advice to any of you that I have learned through this (and learned it the hard way unfortunately,) is this: make sure that if you have "words" with your loved ones that you make it right before the day is over. Don't be prideful or think you need the last word. Apologize so all is good between you. You never know if it will be your last word or day with them, and don't you want your and their last memory to be a positive one? I'll admit I had "words" with Eric just 1 hr before his accident. I was the one upset and getting after Eric. I know he has forgiven me and knows I was just upset at Paxton getting hurt. He and Eric had had a scooter accident which is why I was picking Paxton up because he was all cut/scraped up all over his elbows, forehead, knees, finger and was crying and wanting to come home. I was just being a protective mom, upset about her baby being hurt.
But as I think about things I realize that the scooter accident was a blessing in disguise. Otherwise Paxton would have been with Eric the rest of the night and if Eric had still decided to go to Walmart to get milk (as he did alone) then Paxton would have been in the accident with him as well. On top of it Parker was also supposed to be there that night but had a birthday party until 9pm. I just think the fact that both boys were supposed to be with Eric and things came up (at the last minute in Paxton's case) to where BOTH of them weren't, that someone was watching over my boys. Someone knew what sad thing was going to happen and made it so Eric was alone and didn't have his boys with him. Don't get me wrong - it's a sad, sad, thing to have lost Eric this way and I'd love to change it if I could. I just am realizing it could have been so much worse if the boys had been with him as planned.
In just a short time after the funeral we've had Memorial Day, the Father/Son's outing, now our 14 yr anniversary, and this Sunday is Father's Day. I think the "first" everything w/out him is going to be hard, sad, weird, melancholy, quiet, reflective, etc.
I feel sad for my 2 boys to grow up without a dad in their lives - he involved them in everything he did, taught them so much and loved them so much. We are lucky to have good male role models around the boys - from the ward, neighborhood and of course in my wonderful brothers & dad, but it's still not the same as their own dad. Eric is greatly missed by all!